Finally~! I managed to wrangle sufficient will to come here to post an entry. A great deal had happened between now and the last time i posted~! My first year at NUS is finally over~! I am no longer a freshmen~! (Although i don;t feel any different...) Been really busy recently, mostly due to the temporary work i obtained based on some unprecedented amount of luck. And by another extreme fortune, i am now working with my Dearest Candy~! Hahaha...the job is pretty mundane, pure manual filing. More like menial labour really...but who cares, its only for one month and the pay is good. Secretly i can't wait till my term ends so i can go back to enjoying my hols proper~! The money may be good and truthfully speaking, i really need the cash to replenish my bank account. Nevertheless, i do miss doing alot of things which had been made impossible by the job. Things like drawing, reading, exercising, spending some time with my friends and playing computer games. (Of course i miss spending more time with Candy since working together does not really count as spending quality time together, but this is an obvious desire so there does not seem to be a need to mention it...wow...this side comment is really long...).

I have been troubled greatly lately. I believe its the lack of sleep that has caused me to think so much upon so many disquieting issues but they remain real issues. The surfacing of such issues into my consciousness from the back of my mind may be counted as a timely reflection seeing there is nothing else better to occupy my time spent mindlessly filing away at Eos, Golf, Passat, etc etc etc. The first of my worries is that i am not doing enough as a boyfriend. I have come to realise that i have really found a soulmate in my beloved and that she has become an integral part of my life, something that i cannot do without. But that realisation of that has also highlighted the vast insufficiency and flaws I bear that make me undeserving of her love. I realise that I am beginning to take things for granted and that I tend to forget things that she has told me before. (Although the trait of absent-mindedness is not something new i me, it is still very alarming that i am incapable of remembering all those words she said to me) Each time i fail to recall certain things that were mentioned before...i feel a deepening sense of insufficiency and sadness. I am extremely frightened by signs like these...sometimes it even makes me think that all the feelings i bear for her was nothing but a illusion i had forced myself to believe as true. However every time i see her smile, i know they are real and that i am very lucky to have her. At the same time, my heart aches at both the guilt invoked by my self doubt and the incessant internal lamentations that i am definitely not doing enough as a boyfriend. Not being romantic enough, not beling brave enough, not being strong enough and not being loving enough for my dearest...The fear of insufficiency has never been as strong as this...

I have been thinking about how boys tend to charm girls with all those idealistic promises. How they are able to paint pretty picutres with those words of theirs and make the girl's heart melt, entranced by the pretty words. Then my thoughts lapse into how many of such boys renegade on their promises, how all their words were nothing but empty promises with the sole intention of winning the girl's heart over and nothing more. That they were never meant to be made into reality. With such thoughts floating about my head, i then reflect on all those things that i had promised my dearest. The more i think of them the more i fear that i may not be able to make all those promises come true. I fear i may end up promising my dearest more then i can actually offer. That in the end i am no different from all other boys, offering nothing but a temporary repreive that may turn into a nightmare as time passes. I know that i really mean all the words i have said to her before, of how i want to keep loving her till the day we die, that i do not want us to wind up like those old couples who in their elderly age hold no trace of the love they used to bear for each other. That i want nothing but to make her happy. That i am willing to weather all challenges with her together. What if all these were just lies? The thought is simply a burden too heavy for me to bear...i have never been so frightened of myself and my words before...i don't want them to be lies...i want to always see that smile on my her face...pls...let this not be another cruel trick played upon me by the fates...

Another worry that has been tearing me apart has been my failure as a friend. It really seems like i am no longer to spare any time for my friends...maybe its just the work that is putting a strain on my relationships with my friends and that they too have their own busy schedule to deal with. I have not felt so disconnected from all my friends before, the long breaks between direct communication with my friends...it feels like we are edging quickly to becoming strangers...i fear the day that we actually manage to meet up, our interaction with one another will end up being simply formal and polite conversations...all those years of friendship reduced to nothing...at this point of time, i would like to say a big SORRY to all of my friends for the lack of effort on my part to keep in contact. Especially YJ, for failing to be there when you needed me to be...i am sorry...i am a lousy friend indeed...evil as you would affectionately put it...hahaha...

Among other things...there is my mom quitting her job and me forming a harsh opinion of her. I absolutely have no right to judge her but the fact that i am shows that i have changed a lot...for the worse i fear...the conflict between my strong opinions and guilt pains me endlessly...i am not her and no matter how simple thing may seem to me they are definitely not so for her...i must stop being such an ingrate and judgemental brat...

There is the issue of my brother and the things he is learning in that church of his. I know he has a mind of his own and that he is old enough to decide things for himself...then again he belongs to the category of youths (in my opinion...but then again i am not a very good brother either...so i maybe wrong in the formulation of my opinion) who are highly impressionable hence may not inject sufficient thought into certain issues...i can only hope that the path that he is treading on will not lead him down the wrong path...my worry for him is strong indeed...sigh...

the future is another thing that i have been occupied with for most of my time...suffice to say...its the same worry of insifficiency for my family and my dearest...sigh...i think that is enough of whining and bitching from me today..i had best turn in early...good night y'all~

Hahahahaha....yes, here is another post i shall dedicate to CYK, my ex upper study in 9amb, the one who kept predicting when i will get attached and reminding me of the day i got together with my current love, Candy. The one who kept forgetting the name of my previous attempt! hahahaha, this is a post just for you~!

I just want to thank you for your help in encouraging me to do something that i would never have tried if you were not in my life. Candy and I are together now is partly because of you, so here i am giving a big THANK YOU to you for doing what you did. For all the advice you gave me in what a guy should do in a relationship. Thank you for all the help you have provided me in other aspect of my life as well.

I have told you that i have always been envious of you, of all the cool stuff you can do that would take other people ages to do. For me my aspirations has always been in the intellectual field and you are in part the very embodiment of what i have forever hoped to become. You say that you are sad that you have not what i have, but i think you give yourself too little credit. You are a great guy with terrfic prospect and i am certain, something which i do not say often, that there is one out there made just for you~! Just have a little more patience and let the fates guide your path a little. I believe good things do happen to good guys and there is bound to be something good waiting for you to chance upon it(her) along your way in life. So have a little faith and hope. I will be rooting for you~! I think its safe enough to say that Candy and I will be rooting for you together~! So don't give up! And don't EMO~! hahaha...don't be another me! I shall look forward to the day where i can clap you on your back and congrajulate you. Till that day, just do your best in whatever you are doing now and i will be looking forward to looking at your results this sem again! Remember! Its no longer 5.1 anymore. Its 5.2! Hahahahaha....kk i should go shower now...take care my very good friend. Keep in touch!



THANK YOU UNCLE CHUA~!!!!!  

Hahaha...here is a post just for my very very very good friend Kwok Yi jun! You have been going through some really tough times recently and that things have not gone your way pretty much. But hang in there, I am sure you will be rewarded justly for all your perseverance and dedication. Good things do happen to good men! And you are one of those good men out there who will definitely have something big and wonderful coming your way. I am hope in time she will come to see that you are the one for her and not the other guy. A knight in shining armour, waiting patiently for the princess to open the door to her tower. Stay strong! You will always have my support. Take care.

Yo~ A new semester ha started and i am looking forward to learning more about history from different perspectives that my current modules will introduce to me.

Been giving considerations to what i will do with the history degree that i am striving to get. Teaching is definitely not an option for me. Either i will cause all my students to fail or i will die from the stress of handling little imps in class. Or maybe both. So strike one out for teaching. I always joked about becoming a curator for a museum when people ask me what do i want to become after i graduate from NUS, now i am seriously considering that option. LOL. Oh well, been surfing the web to see if there are any jobs in the government district that can have use for a history degree then i came across National Heritage Board and National Archives of Singapore. But there does not seem to be any slots open right now. At any rate it would be really hard to get into such places so i am resolve to work even harder so that i can get good  enough results that may broaden my prospects in securing a job there. Frankly speaking though, i don't know how i am to so any better then i have been doing. From the start, my drive to study has been to do my best in everything that i take up so its hard for me to perceive anything beyond 'my best' for now.

Anyway, aside from my worrying job prospectives, this semester's books are really cost alot! Islam alone is chalking up a good 150 bucks and maybe even more. And that is only one module. I still have at least three more modules that will have me to purchase more course texts. I feel so bad being a financial burden to my parents. To top it all off, my computer is breaking down soon. The damn motherboard keep screwing up. I can't even install things on it without crashing the system. I may be forced to turn down YJ and Joachim's urges for me to join FOC for the sake of working this coming year break so i can repay back the losses i incurred on my parents. Sigh...and i consulted the Fates just now by flipping coins and they have declared that i should work. LOL. Ok i was just really bored.

Besides the mini financial downturn i am facing, i am really looking forward to learning more about the history of Islam and how the religion has affected the world. Have read about 40 pages of the freaking 70 bucks book and thing are looking very interesting thus far. Lots of war, death and stuff, really good. Hahaha...no i am just kidding, the pages i've read thus far charts the development of Islam from its birth until how it brought Arabia out of its backwater state, into a blooming empire enriched with cultures under the religion's influence. The various events that took place which set in stone for the conflicts that we see now in the modern world.I still have a good 20 pages left to go before i complete the first chapter of the book but i decided to stop because i feel an urge to give my other modules some attention first. I am looking forward to plumbing more knowledge from the book and am secretly hoping that there will be future modules that will open up the avenue for me to study the history of Christianity, Judaism and Zoroastrianism and maybe even pagan cults! I must admit that the hoping for pagan studies is really pushing my luck a bit but if there ever emerge such a module, i will be sure to take it.

But while i was reading the text, my previous thoughts about religion as a whole drifted past my mind. I am a Atheist at heart and have always been very anti-religion, although some of my friends will disagree with me about that point since i keep to some of the tenets of Buddhism which just happens to be my official religion, taking after my parents. Just to be clear, i do so only out of respect for my parents, nothing more. Well maybe a little bit more when i am in trouble so i can have some god to pray to and stuff like that. LOL, i am just joking. But i digress. I disapprove of religions on the whole because i believe that they are very contradictory to themselves in many instances. Like how Christianity which preaches that their God loves all. But in the past that very form of God's Love and Word has been the founding reason why incidents like the Crusades and the Inquisition took place, leading to the loss of many innocent lives. Same can be said for Islam with its Jihad to rid the world of infidels. We can also find similar instances of how other form of religion have caused the downfall of certain empires. Basically history of religion is pretty much written in blood for most part of it. But on the flip side it is important to recognise that there have been countless war fought by people based on other reasonings and that in reality, religion cannot be solely blamed for the wars that may have been affiliated with them.

In the end mankind is just looking out for more ways and reason to wage war on one another. Just take a look at the number and type of weapons available in each country;s arsenal right now. We have developed from swords and bows to bullets, missiles and biochemical as means to kill one another. The need to safeguard the deep seated paranoia found in all of us and to protect the immense ego and pride has only gave birth to more ways to kill fellow human beings. Religion is just another excuse, another form of idea that people entrusted with power decides to use to justify the illogical need to keep other human beings under control. Religion is not twisted. Yes, it can be argued that religion is one of the prime source for conflict to arise due to the differences it creates among human beings. But in the end, we also must acknowledge the good that religion has wrought. Arabia for example, grew into a great empire under Islam and the development of rich culture including language that did not exist in the region during pre-Islamic times. Religion brought concepts of morality to the people, instructing them that they should not commit crimes like stealing, raping or killing. Yes such morality is debatable for in the end Human Beings end up killing each other in the name of the very religion which taught them not to kill. But what we should take note here is that Religion is not to blame here. Ideas are not the root problem of all the bloodshed. There is always a two sided nature to any idea. It can be both good and bad at the same time. What is really the problem is people. People who twist and warp such ideas into benefiting themselves. It is the irresponsible man that decide which part of the idea to bring out hence resulting in what follows thereafter. So unless mankind matures and recognise that it is high time they put aside their petty differences and selfish motivations, it will not be surprising that when Armageddon finally comes, we will be that metaphorical giant flaming rock hurling down from the heavens, sounding the death knoll for all mankind. It is a self fulfilling prophecy and it is one that do not require any messiah, prophet or angel to announce.

Well enough of my rant. Time for me to go run! Later~   

Since its the holidays i thought it would be good to post more often on my blog, so here i am posting my post. The results are out and i did unexpectedly well but i still have a long way to go ahead of me, so its time to buck up and keeping working at it until the end. The mahjong session did not really work out well with me losing a big portion of savings to my friends. Oh well, this week seems a bit screwy for me aside for the results, lots of things turning up the wrong way.

My tendency to shy away from human company when I am in one of my odd mood swings (male PMS) has been called into question recently. For a long time coming, I have noticed(does not really take a great deal of effort to realize something like this) that when I am in one of such bout of emotional surges i would lash out at anyone near me so I came to a conclusion not too long ago to avoid company in order to prevent people from suffering my senseless rages. Am i being unfair? I do not know...maybe it is another form through which I prevent other people from understanding me. But even I cannot understand my own violent outrages so I take to isolation and bottling it up in the shelf I have labeled rage in myself. There is a perfectly sound reasoning why I can never get mad at anyone no matter how nasty they are to me and that is if I ever do get angry, I think it would be the end of that relationship. In addition friendships or any form of close relationships are somethings that occur rarely in my life due to my queer personality so I tend to value them a lot more and am more willing to do whatever I can to salvage any situation I find myself in rather then turning to rage or any associated negative emotion which I think is completely useless. Having said that, I still do suffer from this not very handy emotion so ignoring it and brushing it aside is what I have come to doing regularly. I have convinced myself to believe that my rage is uncalled for due to the fact that I am almost always at fault for whatever wrong that might have happened in my presence or at the very least I have a part to play in the mistake that took place which is more the often true. At some rare times it does seems to enrage myself even further but i have learned to deal with that but what is more important is that this method is very effective in pacifying the nasty monster found in each of us. So I beg of your pardon to whoever I may have shut out from time to time that you have may have some patience in dealing with strange Eddie during his period of male PMS as he find another better method to deal with his ridiculous mood swings.

Speaking of monsters, I have been reading the Witcher for quite some time now and the stories that the book paints is most insightful on how life is really like. The book postulates that the reason why there exists monsters, legends, myths and other related unsolved mystery in the world is because of people trying to explain away certain events without implicating themselves in the process. In other words, we blame things one monsters because we do not want to face up to the fact that we are the monsters ourselves. Gruesome deaths, horrid acts of violence and atrocities are blamed on supernatural beings because no one in the world can ever bring themselves to believing such acts to be caused by hands of people. But we need only to look on into history, in the numerous wars and in other gruesome events, will we come to a startling revelation that people are actually more frightening then the tales we spin about monsters of the night. Who needs monsters when you have human beings? We claim to be rational and that it is partly because of this we are better then any other creature on this planet of 'ours' but I dare to contend with that claim. I find that animals are more rational then human beings can ever be. When they are hungry they seek out food. When they are threaten physically they choose to runaway first rather than seek out bloody retaliation as their first reaction. They do not attempt to take more then what they need. But we humans, filled with idealism, pride, glory, intelligence and every other thing that is uniquely human, we turned out to be less rational than a wild beast. We fight wars based on something as immaterial as ideals, wasting real lives, striking them out of the history as another numerical statistic. We launch holy wars based on religious grounds, in the name of a god whose existence is based purely on faith and claim that we are acting to bring the good of the god to those who remain ignorant. Frankly if there was a god I cannot believe that he/she would condone the slaughter of thousands for the sake of spreading his word across the world. We hoard more and more things for ourselves then we need while other people in the world is suffering from the lack of such objects. We devour natural resources with scant thought of the consequences and drive other living things to extinction in our mad race to increase the hold of what we have. At the end of all this seemingly irrational actions we attempt to rationalize our way out of it all. We seek to find a suitable explanation that does not implicate ourselves and put the blame on other things. No, the world is not growing more warm and polluted because of our industrial pollution says the U.S. Animals only needs to be taken care of when they come close to extinction. YUCK! There is an ant in this room! Kill it! Why? Because it is disgusting. Let's use agent orange on our fellow human beings! But they have horrible effects! Who cares? This is war and we need to win in no matter what. We shall all attempt to limit our pollution output says the world. But no, we are not going to have any binding agreement even though it might be the death of us all. Oh no! We are running out of petrol! We should start finding other energy source. But we are facing a financial crisis now, maybe some other time. If this is what human rationality means then I would gladly take on animal rationality. Yes we are capable of compassion and many other good things. There is no denying that there exist many people who actually care about the world around them. But how often have we given in the the urge for wanting more and other form of temptation out of our insatiable hunger for more and baseless paranoia with the 'what ifs'  in comparison to the amount of good we have done? We need only to look at the state of the world we have shaped by our own hands to come the that answer. No, the world does not need monsters when it already has mankind as its major inhabitant. Perhaps there will come a time where each of us will be forced to deal with the monster residing in us which we have been avoiding all this time. Perhaps that is what armageddon really means?

All right, there, I have rant sufficiently enough for now. I can think of a dozen of people who might disagree with what i have said and they are free to disagree and i might very well agree with them> But that is human rationality for you. There is always a way to explain our way out something that we do not like. But even I commit such gross errors commonly, hopefully I will find a better way to live life then to constantly seek out reasons to explain myself for all my mistakes and make me sound like I possess some form of moral high ground. 

OMG~!!! It has been ages since i posted something on this withering blog! So here i am, to provide a speedy update to what has been going on in my life since 6 months past in NUS.

Many important things have happened over the course of my stay in NUS. One of which i consider to be the most important news of all, although i am sure whoever is reading this blog by now should have noticed, that my status is now officially attached to my dearest Candy! Although it has been announced on facebook (Anything announced on facebook is to be considered official) I thought to make it final by announcing it on my blog as well. We have been together for about 8 months and a few days more. I won't reveal how many days for that will give away what day we met although i am sure among all the readers out there, there is sure to be one or two who knows the exact length of time we have been together. Althought the time we have spent with each other may seem short in comparison with many other couples out there and others maybe consider it to be premature for us to really decide that we love each other and that we do not really understand what love is still, I still insist to say that i love her and that if it takes forever i am willing to walk this road with her as long as she is willing to walk it with me to discover what our true love really is. I know for a fact that there is no other feeling comparable in the world for me to see her smile and even more so when i am the cause for her smile. That is enough just for me to know that i am in hopelessly in love with her. I must say thank you to both YJ and YK who in the past have encouraged me to take the bold step pursue my sweet Candy. Had you guys not awaken me to the feelings I had hidden away inside of me I would not be where I am am today. THANK YOU~! It has not always been smooth sailing, we've had fights and other unpleasant experiences but what is important is that we are still together and we have no regrets with regards to the choice we made to get where we are today. At the very least i have no regrets. I wish the both of you the best of luck in seeking put your true love as well! Don't give up ok? As the saying goes, good things are worth waiting for!

Aside from that, the time I had so far in NUS has been stressful but yet gratifying on a deeper level. The amount of knowledge that the entire place is submersed in is almost intoxicating for me! It is truly a pity that I did not choose to live in a hostel for if I had i would most certainly camp out in the Library whenever i have the time to read the endless tomes found in it. The modules i have taken so far have been great fun and truly intellectually stimulating. I have been opened to so many new perspectives and thoughts! I am now more understanding of the phrase approaching issues from different perspective. So many things that have been taken for granted by me were called into scrutiny that now feel i have a better grasp at understanding things around us. On a positive side, i have managed to clear my QET! Now that that has passed there is only the highly anticipated and dreaded release of exam results tomorrow. In fact the very first thing that occupied my thoughts this morning when i woke was recollection of every glaring and god-awful mistake that i made while frantically scribbling down my essays during examinations. I tossed and turned on my bed along with the twisting feeling that welled up inside my heart, worry about what my CAP score will be like. ARGH~! Screw that! I will just have to wait till tomorrow rather then ranting and fretting incessantly about what ii will be.

In other news, I have finally found time to take up the pencil and start drawing once more! OH the relief! Over the course of my stay in NUS, i could not fin any time at all to release the pant up inspiration to draw. Now that the holidays are here, i have unleashed them by creating three new pieces which i have uploaded in Facebook. The first two is a character design for my friend YJ with regards to a fantasy world that we have sketched out briefly while traveling from one place to the next in NUS. Although it does not exactly fit the concept he had in his mind, I do hope he liked it. The other one is a serpent like creature that i felt like drawing after looking through several masterful artwork on Deviantart. I can't wait to start on the character design for my own character but due to things that required my immediate attention of the late, i had not the time to work on the concept brewing in my head. Hopefully I can find some free time soon and more inspiration to draw before the holidays are over. I have also begun reading novels again! Currently i am working my way through a magnificent series entitled Troy by David Gemmell. The books were loaned to me generously by YJ. It has everything that I love to read about, honour, loyalty, blood and gore among the top few. MY favourite character thus far is still Argurios who is everything I aspired and still aspire to be. The scene between him and his lover at their dying moments was simply beautiful!

This year has been the most financially draining of all years due to multiple 21st birth celebrations. Thank the gods i had the sense to deepen my wallet through voracious saving wherever i could so i still have a decent amount of saving left for other important matters. In fact i just celebrated Teng Wu Liang's 21st birthday last Saturday and went window shopping with our group of ex-army campmates. It has truly been too long since we had a gathering like that and i really enjoyed myself that day. I hope the feeling was mutual for everyone present that day. The only thing regrettable was the fact that wl's game is now suffering from some weird bug that is preventing him from playing it. Hopefully he will find a cure to his problem and finally get to enjoy his birthday gift properly. I have also uploaded all the photos we took that day on Facebook, feel free to take a look at them.

Going out now with Candy to go shopping with the gift voucher that billy gave me as my belated birthday present. I definitely did not see that coming! THANK YOU BILLY~! You really did not have to but i am deeply thankful to you that you did. Thank you! I am really touched by it. I shall look forward to the future for some opportunity to repay you in kind!

Mahjong tomorrow and there is a pact between all the players that we will look at our results only after our game. Hahaha...i think i will be more affected by the wait then the knowing but then again, we shall find out about it tomorrow. I would talk more but i better get going or else Candy will have my head for making her wait for me too long. Hahahaha....see you guys around~! Shall blog soon again! I hope....

HEY!!!!!!!! Hahahaaha....its been so long since i posted anything! Well...alot of things had happened since my last post. Too many for me to recount them all here...but in a quick summary here are the things that took place. Genting trip with friends, a few outings here and there, University registration, University Bidding of modules (The most nerve wrecking event I had ever took part in!) The mummy, QX's birthday celebration and alot of readings! Yeah, i should think those are most of the major events that stands out in my memory banks thus far...

The sudden urge to post something on my blog is a response to something that i had just read. Its a book, kindly loan to me by Candy, entitled 'The GOD Delusion' by Richard Dawkins. I have not finished the book yet but what i glanced from the preface to the paperback edition on the books own preface got my brain's rusty cogs to turn a bit. One point raised by him was the possibility that these events, to name a few, The Crusades, The Witch Hunt, 9/11, Israeli/Palestinian wars etc etc, would not have existed if Religion itself did not exist. To a small extent this might be true, such incidents might not have taken place if Religions were not there for people to form the basis for such happenings to take place on. The world might even be a better place, where people may be able to co-exist with one another with more ease since one subject that separates us from each other is successfully removed. But that is only a possibility and in my point of view, a slim one as well.

It is not my place to point out the weakness in Dawkins' argument since after all everyone is entitled to their own belief and opinions. What i am about to say is my opinion on the subject which Mr Dawkins had raised in his book and that is a world without Religions would be a better place to live in. I think, even if Religions had not been born in this world, the tragic travesty of The crusades and other forms of historical calamities would still happen anyway, just under a different guise of motives. The one thing that make up the core of each Human Being is ultimately his or her beliefs and Religion is simply another effect of Human belief. Amidst all the other beliefs that makes us what we are, even if we removed Religion, another belief will take its place and drive the same wedge that separates a group of people from another group which will eventually give rise to the same old misgivings and animosity. This will in turn lead us down the same path of sadness and catastrophes spawned from our differing beliefs. Removing a result will not change the world for the better. Having said all these, wouldn't it be better if everyone on this plane of existence just have the same beliefs and bear the same level of passion of those beliefs? Removing the difference in beliefs will almost result in uniting the entire race of Human Being under one banner! What a remarkable feat that would be if it was ever accomplished or even thought to be feasible. With that said, it is clear that an attempt to brainwash everyone to form the same line of thought is bordering on the edge of not just practical impossibility but also treading far too deeply in the realms of psychotic delusional fantasy. What is important I believe (How ironic), is what we do with the differences that lies between us and how we deal with the idea of co-existing with someone who is vastly ideologically different from us. Do not lay the blame of past grievous incidents on the result of our beliefs. Of course, I am not saying we ignore the results altogether! Take appropriate measures to remedy the result in order to prevent it from spiraling out of control but do not embark on actions like going on warpath, for example, which will simply breed more contempt and sadness into the world and propagate the tragedy even further. Doing that will not accomplish anything but only leading to more confrontations and conflicts. THe root cause of the results lie in our beliefs, so it would be far more constructive to find ways to handle our beliefs cautiously and hence giving rise to the chance whereby we might be able to sort out our differences in order to avoid, as much as we can, further misfortune from taking place. Having said all that, I however do not have a solve-all solution in my mind, but perhaps when Mankind as a whole realise that blame pointing at the things that are a result of our beliefs is just a total waste of time as it does not solve any issues at hand, we might decide to sit down with everyone around the world to have a light tea party and come up with ways to handle our beliefs such that it will not offend anyone. Then and only then, maybe there is a chance for real peace to develop.

Then again peace might not altogether be a good thing to but I think i will save that line of thought for another blog.

Other than the book that I have been ranting about, I have also been reading this series of books by David Eddings entitled Belgariad. I am absolutely in love with the books. Many thanks goes out to YJ who recommended me the books! Thanks for reminding me how fun it is to immerse oneself in the world of fantasy created by brilliant writers! I think i shall go hunt for the fourth book in the series tomorrow! Another book which i had read is called 'Can Asians Think?' It is truly a great book which opened my eyes to many aspects of the world which i had been ignorant about. My thanks to Candy once again for introducing me to such a great book. Hahahahaha....i can't seem to stop reading nowadays, but i guess that is not altogether a bad thing, what's with NUS starting soon. Hopefully i would be able to hammer my brain back into working order so i can function well in the academic world which i am about take another plunge into! Well i guess that is all i have to say for now...that YK is pestering me for DOTA again. SCREW HIM!!!!! hahahaa...see you guys around! 

Oh what dark streak this is,
That plagues me so!
Seeds planted by daemons,
of insidious thoughts they sow.

Where are the two Spinsters,
if not tending to their stead?
Behold, their stools usurped!
A fear churning forth a dark thread.

A cry of salvation hurled to the heavens,
to spare a beam for me
as a haven.
To cling onto the warmth
for just a little bit longer,
to taste the leprechaun honey as a reminder.

Shame on me,
to choose Styx over Religion,
But this stake on my soul shall never fade,
a blow dealt by my shadows
to suffer the wondering,
of psychosis of lame.

How then? Shall i cling no more?
To these wings that bear me?
To let it soar with another of its brethren?
While i fall to the pit,
to crawl with other lonely beasts?
Aimless once more...

Smite me, so Smite me hard,
Residents of the Highest Unseen!
For i am but a fool! To wallow lost,
Unable to treasure more of what i have,
This mould you have cast me in,
Is nothing more then an Iron Maiden!

Blot out this fire!
and let cold peace settle....
Blot out this fire!
and let cold peace settle.... 

Let me rest once more,
into the once turned grave!
Spell no more resurrection!
On these weary bones of age.



Just feel like posting a dark poem again....think i am sinking into yet another bout of depression due to many things....no matter how hard i try the future of always seems bleak to me....today is no different. I am losing the battle to my demons...hahahahaha...losing indeed...well...it would seem like i am having another PMS again...odd how can a guy suffer from PMS????? Well Billy, you asked for a problem that plagues me so...maybe if you can decipher what this means you might be able to help me in some ways...maybe....but then again....i am too stubborn to let anyone help me aren't i? hahahaha....lets see who shall out stubborn the other first....you or me? All right....Besides feeling moody, it has been about 4 days into my freedom! And i have not accomplished much other then dota-ing intensively with Uncle Chua....WHO MADE ME WAIT LIKE 15 MINS FOR HIS BOWL OF MEE POK YESTERDAY WHILE MY CHICKEN RICE TURNED ICE COLD!!!!!!!!! Yeah...other then that i have completed my Big Bug Book! Am halfway through Othello...feeling sicken by his lack of faith in the one he claim to be in love with...

Going to meet JZ today at Dhoby for lunch and then Uncle Chua again to settle other matters...
Happy that the GST credits came in...as well as my pay....feeling rich temporarily...and feeling the near irresitable itch to go splurge my money on some random game....wonder how long i can last before i give in to my thirst of gaming....All right...don;t know what to blog about anymore....shall go find some form of escape into the world of fiction to calm my tumultuous thoughts...or maybe i should go sit in one corner and Emo by myself as usual....hahahaha...sayonara minna!

Dark Ebb After Dusk
Sorrow Of Ubiquitous Languishing
Lame Ominous Soul's Tears
Hither Emeus Rest, Earthen

Sooth Is God High
Dearest Oh Weeping Nun
Harkened All Ravens', Damned
Lamenting On Noosed Guilt

Fated As Doth Eventually
Inured Near Tribulations Of
Dread Under Silence's Toll
Crumbled Over Matters Erstwhile

Goodness of Naysayers Entangled
Ghost of Nobody Estranged
Gnoll of Naked Eviscerated
Grey of Next Evicted

Haha...got struck by the oddest of muse...see if you guys can see what i am writing....