Since its the holidays i thought it would be good to post more often on my blog, so here i am posting my post. The results are out and i did unexpectedly well but i still have a long way to go ahead of me, so its time to buck up and keeping working at it until the end. The mahjong session did not really work out well with me losing a big portion of savings to my friends. Oh well, this week seems a bit screwy for me aside for the results, lots of things turning up the wrong way.

My tendency to shy away from human company when I am in one of my odd mood swings (male PMS) has been called into question recently. For a long time coming, I have noticed(does not really take a great deal of effort to realize something like this) that when I am in one of such bout of emotional surges i would lash out at anyone near me so I came to a conclusion not too long ago to avoid company in order to prevent people from suffering my senseless rages. Am i being unfair? I do not know...maybe it is another form through which I prevent other people from understanding me. But even I cannot understand my own violent outrages so I take to isolation and bottling it up in the shelf I have labeled rage in myself. There is a perfectly sound reasoning why I can never get mad at anyone no matter how nasty they are to me and that is if I ever do get angry, I think it would be the end of that relationship. In addition friendships or any form of close relationships are somethings that occur rarely in my life due to my queer personality so I tend to value them a lot more and am more willing to do whatever I can to salvage any situation I find myself in rather then turning to rage or any associated negative emotion which I think is completely useless. Having said that, I still do suffer from this not very handy emotion so ignoring it and brushing it aside is what I have come to doing regularly. I have convinced myself to believe that my rage is uncalled for due to the fact that I am almost always at fault for whatever wrong that might have happened in my presence or at the very least I have a part to play in the mistake that took place which is more the often true. At some rare times it does seems to enrage myself even further but i have learned to deal with that but what is more important is that this method is very effective in pacifying the nasty monster found in each of us. So I beg of your pardon to whoever I may have shut out from time to time that you have may have some patience in dealing with strange Eddie during his period of male PMS as he find another better method to deal with his ridiculous mood swings.

Speaking of monsters, I have been reading the Witcher for quite some time now and the stories that the book paints is most insightful on how life is really like. The book postulates that the reason why there exists monsters, legends, myths and other related unsolved mystery in the world is because of people trying to explain away certain events without implicating themselves in the process. In other words, we blame things one monsters because we do not want to face up to the fact that we are the monsters ourselves. Gruesome deaths, horrid acts of violence and atrocities are blamed on supernatural beings because no one in the world can ever bring themselves to believing such acts to be caused by hands of people. But we need only to look on into history, in the numerous wars and in other gruesome events, will we come to a startling revelation that people are actually more frightening then the tales we spin about monsters of the night. Who needs monsters when you have human beings? We claim to be rational and that it is partly because of this we are better then any other creature on this planet of 'ours' but I dare to contend with that claim. I find that animals are more rational then human beings can ever be. When they are hungry they seek out food. When they are threaten physically they choose to runaway first rather than seek out bloody retaliation as their first reaction. They do not attempt to take more then what they need. But we humans, filled with idealism, pride, glory, intelligence and every other thing that is uniquely human, we turned out to be less rational than a wild beast. We fight wars based on something as immaterial as ideals, wasting real lives, striking them out of the history as another numerical statistic. We launch holy wars based on religious grounds, in the name of a god whose existence is based purely on faith and claim that we are acting to bring the good of the god to those who remain ignorant. Frankly if there was a god I cannot believe that he/she would condone the slaughter of thousands for the sake of spreading his word across the world. We hoard more and more things for ourselves then we need while other people in the world is suffering from the lack of such objects. We devour natural resources with scant thought of the consequences and drive other living things to extinction in our mad race to increase the hold of what we have. At the end of all this seemingly irrational actions we attempt to rationalize our way out of it all. We seek to find a suitable explanation that does not implicate ourselves and put the blame on other things. No, the world is not growing more warm and polluted because of our industrial pollution says the U.S. Animals only needs to be taken care of when they come close to extinction. YUCK! There is an ant in this room! Kill it! Why? Because it is disgusting. Let's use agent orange on our fellow human beings! But they have horrible effects! Who cares? This is war and we need to win in no matter what. We shall all attempt to limit our pollution output says the world. But no, we are not going to have any binding agreement even though it might be the death of us all. Oh no! We are running out of petrol! We should start finding other energy source. But we are facing a financial crisis now, maybe some other time. If this is what human rationality means then I would gladly take on animal rationality. Yes we are capable of compassion and many other good things. There is no denying that there exist many people who actually care about the world around them. But how often have we given in the the urge for wanting more and other form of temptation out of our insatiable hunger for more and baseless paranoia with the 'what ifs'  in comparison to the amount of good we have done? We need only to look at the state of the world we have shaped by our own hands to come the that answer. No, the world does not need monsters when it already has mankind as its major inhabitant. Perhaps there will come a time where each of us will be forced to deal with the monster residing in us which we have been avoiding all this time. Perhaps that is what armageddon really means?

All right, there, I have rant sufficiently enough for now. I can think of a dozen of people who might disagree with what i have said and they are free to disagree and i might very well agree with them> But that is human rationality for you. There is always a way to explain our way out something that we do not like. But even I commit such gross errors commonly, hopefully I will find a better way to live life then to constantly seek out reasons to explain myself for all my mistakes and make me sound like I possess some form of moral high ground.